Sunday, December 8, 2013

How NOT to be Noticed in Class

An Excerpt From the Award-Winning Tell-All
Lucy and CeCee's How to Survive (and Thrive) in Middle School

Lucy: Let’s face it. Sometimes, you’d rather not be called on in class.

CeCee: Yeah! Like when you forgot to read that last chapter in English.

Lucy: Or when you have a humungo zit, are laid up with lunch flu, or are just feeling oogly altogether.

Lucy and CeCee: Keeping a low profile takes a little skill, but with practice, you can be present, accounted for, and invisible.

L&C’s How to Go Incognito Tips
Align yourself perfectly with the person sitting in front of you. If sitting in the front row, pretend to take copious notes and/or have head in your textbook.

Hover over your assignment as if highly engaged. Look engrossed, and do not make eye contact with teachers. (They tend to call on students who look at them.) At the same time, nod your head periodically to show you’re paying attention. (Teachers also tend to call on students who are off task.)

A little trick is to answer one question at the beginning of class that’s a no-brainer. This way, your teacher has heard from you and won’t be compelled to call on you again.

Stuff You’ll Need:




Student in front of you

Dear C.C. ~
Whatup, girlie? Just sitting here making myself invisible N history. Did U get the take-home letter today N homeroom? I mean, I really want 2 die. Doesn’t my mother have anything better 2 do than 2 constantly ruin my social life? Kids are already starting 2 come up 2 me ready 2 have it out, and I just lie and say, “No relation.” Of course, no one seems 2 believe me. Some birthday I’m having! (Thanks 4 the balloons, by the way. I heart U!)
2 top off my birthday blues, Josh still hasn’t broken up with that bimbette, Kandi Klass. I just don’t get it. Does she have some kind of voodoo hold on him or something? Is he under hypnosis?
Anywayz, I hope U don’t mind me asking—but do U feel okay? U just seem kinda tired and worn out lately, and U never eat anything except those Twizzler Nibs. Just making sure you’re not turning N-2 one of those rib-counting chicks. Don’t get me wrong—U still look fly, and I love your new Mary Jane platforms. But just sayin’. U know I’m here if U want 2 talk about anything, right?

Hearts and daisy petals,

PS Not that I have 2 say anything, but please don’t publish anything about the uniform policy N the Madison Messenger. It’ll just get everyone all trippy and Kandi Klass & Co. is already sending me toxic hate vibes.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * 

Secret Thoughts After Reading Lucy’s Note

I don’t care if it’s her birthday or not—I think I might be seriously enraged with Lucy! First of all, what right does she have asking me not to publish something in the Madison Messenger? The uniform policy is serious school news, and she knows that! As editor, it is my duty is to observe, investigate, and report—all conflicts of interest aside. Sometimes, she’s dumber than a box of rocks!
And then, she has the audacity to inquire about my dietary proclivities. Maybe she should worry about herself for a change! What business is it of hers if I’m not eating? Frankly, she could stand to lose a few LBs! Maybe then she’d get a boyfriend. Speaking of—if I hear one more time about her fauxlationship with Josh Land, I think I’m going to lose it! It’s so irritating! But honestly—maybe this is about other things … I don’t usually get so peevish with Lucy, even when she’s acting like an überditz.
I wish I could talk to someone about my inner turmoil. I tried asking Cora about boys last night, but she only pretended to listen, and now that she’s made cheerleader, she’s way too preoccupied for anything else—most especially her dorky little sister.
Why is life soooo confusing? Where is the clarity? Where is my magical advisor?
Oh, moons of madness!


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