Bullying. We hear
about it a lot these days. But today’s
bully isn’t the big, burly boy on the playground shouting, “Cooties!” and
looting lunches. Today’s bully comes in
a much more furtive form – often a skirt and pigtails. Turns out sugar and spice and everything nice
isn’t always what little girls are made of.
Girl bullies are common, covert, and too often cruel. As a middle school teacher, I can’t count the
number of times I’ve consoled sobbing girls who have been victimized by
insidious, socially paralyzing tactics: “So-and-so called me a (four-letter
word for promiscuous), told me I get my clothes at Goodwill, created a
I-Hate-(Facebook) Page about me.” And
the list goes on….With the Internet as the perfect, covert dispatching medium,
the Mean Girl Renaissance is in full swing.
Alas, the indisputable truth is both girls and boys bully
and the emotional scars can last a lifetime. So why are kids so mean and what
is the answer? I maintain that empathy
is the biggest defense against bullying.
We need to educate our students at a young age that being mean to others
is not just part of growing up, is not normal, and is not okay. If empathy – the ability to understand and
share the feelings of another – is our preventative armor, then books can be
our magic bullets. By relating to
fictional characters that are the underdog or being treated unfairly, students
are given the tools to self-reflect: Am I
being mean? Am I hurting someone else’s
feelings? If I make fun of my neighbor’s
shoes or hair, how will it really make them feel? By analyzing character, we build
character and create a common respectful classroom culture in the interim.
But bully-proofing our children isn’t just a school
issue. Parents can help by discussing
bullying with their child at an early age and implementing the following
strategies:
Teach bully-prevention at home by reinforcing the values of
kindness and manners. Discourage
pinching, biting, or hitting other children, even among siblings. Develop a strong sense of self, as kids with
low self-esteem are less likely to stick up for someone who is being bullied,
including themselves. Encourage
courageous behavior by modeling how to stand up for oneself when confronted by
a bully. A great way to do this is to role-play
scenarios as a family.
Know the telltale bully victim warning signs, which include
a sudden loss of interest in school, insomnia, depression, loss of appetite, physical
signs like unexplained scratches or scrapes, complaints of frequent headaches
and stomachaches, and having few or no friends.
Be proactive in asking questions about your child’s social life, such as
whom they hang
out with or sit by at lunch or on the bus.
If there are strong indicators that your child is being
bullied, comfort them and implement the following course of action:
· * Ignore: Advise your child to avoid the bully by
walking away and ignoring him/her. Act
brave. Suggest they always walk with a
friend to avoid being seen alone. If the
bully approaches, don’t react. After
all, a reaction is what the bully is looking for. When they don’t get one, the bully will most
likely get bored and stop. Another
strategy is to count to ten, smile, or laugh it off.
· * Confront: Encourage your child to look the bully
in the eye and say this sentence: “Please stop.
I don’t like what you are doing.
It’s mean.”
· *Report: Most bullying occurs on school
grounds. Tell your child to report the
confrontation to a school official, such as a teacher, counselor,
administrator, or aide and then conduct a parental follow up. Be an anti-bullying advocate by forming a
parent group or join the PTA to discuss strategies for the school. Volunteer to start a school safety committee.
Bullying is front-page
news and a serious problem for the individual child, family, and community. It impacts everyone. Kids who are bullied are more likely to
suffer inferiority complexes and depression.
They are more likely to drop out of school, have drug and alcohol
problems, and break the law. Sometimes
they take extreme measures, which can lead to tragic results as seen in the
Columbine shootings or the frequent incidents of bullicide. It’s all of society’s problem, as it affects
every one of us. Although bullying is
pervasive, it can be thwarted by educating our children with this simple creed:
Bullying is not okay – not ever.
Let the prevention
begin. Let the healing begin.
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